As a blogger, I try to maintain a certain air of objectivity when I write things.

Words have power, and they have influence, and even a b-list blog like mine can still occasionally makes a larger splash, so even my words have a certain weight.

Being objective, however is a bitch some times.

Take this particular story.  Alec Baldwin left a voice mail to his 11 year old daughter, and in it he was very harsh in his language and message. 

Here is the basic story, and a link to the audio message.  Pause a moment and listen.

Alec Baldwin’s Threatening Message to Daughter

An enraged Alec Baldwin unleashed a volcanic tirade of threats and insults on his 11-year-old daughter, Ireland, calling her a “thoughtless little pig,” and bashing her mother Kim Basinger — and TMZ has obtained the whole thing unfiltered and raw. And we’ve learned, a family law judge was so alarmed after hearing the tape, she has temporarily barred Baldwin from having any contact with his child.

Audio of the message is here.  Warning, it is disturbing.

Here is Baldwin’s response:

 Alec Baldwin’s spokesperson released the following statement to the TV show “EXTRA”:

“In the best interest of the child, Alec will do what the mother is pathologically incapable of doing … keeping his mouth shut and obeying the court order.

I am not impressed that he takes this as a chance to take a pot shot at Kim…

The mother and her lawyer leaked this sealed material in violation of a court order. Although Alec acknowledges that he should have used different language in parenting his child, everyone who knows him privately knows what he has been put through for the past six years.”

Again, he kinda skates past his apology, and blames his circumstances. 

Because of the child’s age, one would be safe in expecting most reactions to be critical, but a surprising number pf people are defending him and while I personally dislike excuses, there are some issues that make it worth examining.

First of all, this is a divorce.  As one who has been through one, I have to candidly admit they are the ugliest pieces of work two people can put each other through.  That Kim released the voice mail, assuming his accusation is on track, is proof.  And the accusation he made is also on target, for the kids in divorces are tools as much as they are innocent participants and victims.

One thing I learned in my own divorce and in the divorces of those I know, it is nearly impossible from the outside to make sense of it and to determine who is at fault.  Anyone who takes a side in a divorce is on thin ice for the truth of these matters is never very clear cut.

Alec and Kim are Hollywood stars so they attract an incredible amount of attention and even more visibility then someone like me, and that amplifies the matter by several orders of magnitude.  With all the media frenzy around it, it is easy to be judgmental, but something happened recently that forces me to pause.

You see, I met an actress.  A real live Hollywood actress, who has done soap operas and feature films.  I have one of her films on DVD sitting next to me as I type this.

So what you may ask?  Well, in talking with her I learned something that I knew, but never really paid attention to:  They are human beings too.  She is a very down to earth, sensible and sensitive woman, not an out of touch elitist prima donna.  Sometimes the spotlight blinds us to the reality of the people standing in it.

I admit I hold some celebrities in a certain disdain, but I have come to realize it is not the fact they are celebrities that causes me to do so, it is my disagreement with their politics, coupled with their insistence of using their star status to unduly influence people that I dislike, not their career choice. 

Alec is one such.  He has made numerous statements that I find outrageous, often not because of their ideas, but in their delivery.  So I admit, having heard him go unhinged on TV and radio, when I heard about this story, I was unsurprised to hear about him saying something outrageous to his kid.

But is it defensible?  Some would argue that he is just a dad who was faced with a frustrating situation and he blew his temper.  I can relate.  In my divorce, I too had moments of extreme frustration.   Heck, as a dad I have had that.  Kids are a trial sometimes.

But.  That is not an excuse.  Examined on it’s face value, the harshness of the voice mail was still not healthy.

I also noticed that while he was pissed at the girl, a lot of his anger is directed at Kim.  He clearly thinks Ireland is treating him badly, and that Kim is causing that by influencing her against him.

Well, to be frank, it is possible.  Parents contending for their children will often try to “turn” the child to their favor, just as divorcées will often try to turn friends and family to “their side”.

So perhaps everything he has accused Kim of is true.  Let’s assume she has corrupted the child against her father and due to that corruption, she has behaved horribly to Alec.

Does that change the outrage over his remarks?  Does that justify it?  Not especially.

You see, at the heart of this it was still an 11 year old girl getting yelled at by her dad, and getting yelled at fairly harshly.  What he did was over the top, inappropriate, and wrong.  I don’t care how understandable or justified his circumstance make it, it was still not good parenting.

The question then remains then, what to do now?  He has had his custody suspended temporarily, should that be permanent?  No, I don’t think so, though I will also say that I think he needs anger management and counseling badly.  I think the court should order that along with family counseling.

Frankly both he and Kim need a good slapping to remind them to consider the best for the kid is supposed to be the priority.

So in the end, no, I see nothing to justify his outburst, so he needs to deal with the consequences of it, and try to become a better parent. 

That’s what any other dad would have to do, so he should too.  Doing that will serve both him and Ireland in the long run.

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