Jun 12 2008
Where’s Karl? Reflecting on Graduation…
Just a taking a few moments to dispel any rumours of my demise, defection or defenestration.
I've been under the weather again, maxed out in my day job and all that, but here lately, most of my energy has been getting ready for my daughter's High School Graduation.
How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child's board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted. ~Walter Scott
Yes, tomorrow afternoon my youngest child Kayla, whose writing has been showcased here, will graduate.
It's is a huge moment for her, no doubt, but it is also a signal of a change in my life as well. We, as parents, devote a lot of time and energy into our children's lives, and the end of High School is one of the significant way points.
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
For some of us, the child heads off to some college far away, proving that the money drain may not be over after all. In my case, she plans to work and attend Jr College locally so no education loans for me. She will keep her room, and still be here, at least for a while.
But still, the feeling of evolution and change is unmistakable. A few weeks after graduation she turns 18 and another way point is reached, whereby the girl whom we have been treating as a young adult is truly an adult.
We parents dread this day even as we anticipate it.
The day signals the beginning of independence, and an end of dependency. We enjoy that because we long for the freedom to reclaim our own lives somewhat, but at the same time, we long for the little child we raised. Parents may be tired of that dependency by the time the child turns adult, but at the same time, we take from it as well, it is interdependent.
It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard
And we see the child grown, and change, and in those years we also grow and change. And sometimes, we smile, and sometimes we cry.
Don't get me wrong, I love the person my youngest has begun, but I will always remember fondly all those small moments of time with her as a child.
In this particular case, when the child reaching majority is the last, the sensations are coupled with the sense of completion. The children are grown, and we as parents enter the empty nest period of life, or at least we enter that threshold.
A child enters your home and for the next twenty years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it. The child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad. ~John Andrew Holmes
We may find there are little or no changes, or dramatic ones.
But the changes are there. It is truly the end of an era.
I resist, but it is only a token resistance. I accept that change is inevitable, and in fact welcome, yet I draw my memories around me to lessen the shock, to ease the transition.
Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. ~Shunryu Suzuki
So as my daughter graduates tomorrow, I will graduate with her in a sense, I will graduate my dependence on her dependency. As she has to stand alone and make her own choices, I will have to stand aside and let her. I have to let go.
The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent. ~Frank Pittman, Man Enough
Congratulations to all seniors of the class of 2008, wherever you may be, and wherever you may go.
Trackposted to Rosemary's Thoughts, third world county, Allie is Wired, Adam's Blog, Walls of the City, Shadowscope, The Pink Flamingo, Cao's Blog, , Democrat=Socialist, Conservative Cat, and Right Voices, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.The future lies before you
Like a field of driven snow,
Be careful how you tread it,
For every step will show.
~Author UnknownYou have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss
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Kuzzin Karl,
Congratulations to the both of you.
Ryan is graduating at the age of 17 next week. He’s been tugging at the bit a lot this year and as time passes succeeds more often. He desperately wants to be 18. So he can be independent? Maybe, but mostly so he can get a tattoo.
He has three other siblings who graduated. Although you’d like to think they will immediately become independent it doesn’t always happen at once. Some do and some don’t. Some need a kick in the butt.
My plan was to raise best friends. (Once in awhile Kathy had to remind me they need to grow up first…)
I’d say I succeeded in that goal with one. He’s not too thrilled when I give advice anymore so I try to resisit the temptation. His younger brother still calls for advice. Considering how much bad advice I’m capable of giving I have no idea why.
This may seem off track but something Grandma Mildred says comes to mind. Figuring that after giving birth to 13 children, Grandma Mildred might know a thing or two about the process, when my worried wife was pregnant with my first son she asked Grandma Mildred what to expect. She laughed and said every birth was different.
I’d say when it comes to how independent a son or daughter will become, every one is different.
So good luck with that independence thing.
And letting go? You may be able to let them go but you’ll never be able to let go. You’re permanently tethered for life. No matter where they go they will be tugging at your heart.
Once again, congratulations to Kayla (and her parents) on her graduation.
- Cuzzin’ Pat
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