Readers, Friends and Family,

My grandmother passed on tonight at the age of 99.

I was able to go see her in May, and I had the sense then that her time was short.  I am glad I did, because I silently said my goodbyes then, so I am not filled with any agony of regret. 

During her life she did many extraordinary things, the least of which was raising 13 children.   She is survived by 12 of those 13 children, at least 50 grandkids, lord only knows how many great grand children, and even 3 great great granddaughters.

 

No wonder she was declared San Jose California’s mother of the year many years ago. 

 

She leaves no massive estate or trust, but she leaves an overwhelming legacy of love, far more valuable, to me than anything else.

My family is very close, and we have already survived one devastating loss, my uncle Allen in 1995.  But my family also believes in dealing with a passing on by celebrating life, not only the life that was, but the lives that are.

While we don’t approach the level of a wake, we do take the time to enjoy the bonds of family.  I wrote this in 1995 when my uncle passed, and it holds doubly true now:

“As a matter of background, my father’s family is very large. He is second eldest of 13 children. The children arrived from around 1932 to 1953, and all 13 lived and grew into adulthood, despite 3 of them serving in the Marine Corps in Korea (my dad included); despite a much high mortality rate from childhood diseases; and despite having 11 rowdy boys, a feat that I consider to be somewhat blessed all on it’s own.

My grandmother is, or should be, a certified saint, having raised these 11 boys and 2 girls. (don’t pity the heavily outnumbered girls, they are today two of the most amazing and strong women I know) Grandmother was named Mother of the Year in San Jose California in the mid 50s, a title she earned many times over.. She was also on her own from the mid 60s or so when my grandfather died. I hardly knew him really, but she remains a firm memory.

The sad part of the whole event came as Allen’s mother not only could not come, but has not been told. She is very old now, her memory failing. The decision was made not to tell her, because it would really serve no purpose as it is unsure how much she would understand, and how she would respond, as well as the fact that her health is too fragile for her to have been able to attend even if she had understood.

To me that was the saddest part.

My father’s family has been a joy to me, for they embody so passionately what we all strive for: Love. And with this tragedy, they again have fallen back to that foundation of love and support that all seem to naturally feel.

When my step mother died in 1999, the reaction was the same as it was here this weekend, the gathering from all corners of the country to share the memories of a loved one, and to show support and love as all shared my father’s grief.

This weekend, even as all grieved the loss of a father, or a loved one, or a brother, they also rejoiced in a life filled with memories and laughter as they recalled their favorite moments of his life and events they all shared with him.

I still struggle with life, its mysteries and death. I still have a hard time reconciling my feelings on the whole subject.

What I did recognize on Saturday however gives me hope and a lot of comfort. It was a concept so simple in its nature, and so deeply profound in its effect.

Imagine, if you will, my father and his siblings all standing in a circle, holding hands. When Allen was lost from that circle, a gap now existed. But only momentarily, as all stepped slightly forward, shortening the length of the circle. The two open ends joined hands, and once again completed the circle.

The circle has changed, yet remains a circle. And as an ironic bonus, all are a little closer together then they were before.

In the circle of our family, where some families fracture with deaths, ours just draws closer together. Rest in peace Uncle Allen, you will never be forgotten, for you live in our hearts and we hear your voice in our laughter.”

My family’s circle has a taken another step smaller and closer together.

May your families share that same love in your own ways.   The passing of a loved one is never easy.

Thanks for letting me share this with you.

Karl

LSU 

 Trackposted to Perri Nelson’s Website, Rosemary’s Thoughts, 123beta, Maggie’s Notebook, Adam’s Blog, Right Truth, Shadowscope, Cao’s Blog, Democrat=Socialist, Conservative Cat, Nuke’s, Allie is Wired, third world county, Political Byline, McCain Blogs, Woman Honor Thyself, DragonLady’s World, The World According to Carl, , Pirate’s Cove, The Pink Flamingo, , and Dumb Ox Daily News, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

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