Aug 13 2008
My Grandmother’s Portrait
We laid our beloved grandmother to rest yesterday. She died at the age of 99, leaving 12 children, many grandchildren, and even great and great great grandchildren grieving for her loss.
Our family grieves in their own way, as all families do. Like many we love to celebrate the life the person lived, not simply wail and moan over their death.
Don’t get me wrong. There were tears a plenty when the notice of her death went out. At the viewing and the memorial service there were many tears falling. As two of my cousins sang the song grandmother requested, the tears were there. As the granddaughters chorus sang another favorite, it was very emotional.
As one of the 8 grandsons asked to be pallbearer, I escorted her to the hearse and then helped carry her to the grave site. I was mostly fine, really, until my uncle David and cousin Natalie’s husband Corrie played their bagpipes. I don’t know the name of the first song they piped, but the second was my absolute favorite song on pipes, Amazing Grace. Even on a good day, Amazing Grace on pipes reduces me to jello, and in this case, the tears flowed freely.
Tears not withstanding, the joy of her life was overwhelming. Truly, she was remarkable, and it leaves me in awe thinking of the span of her life.
Born in 1909, she was a young child when WW1 concluded. She was a young married woman raising children during the Great Depression. She was a mother of 6 during WW2, and had 13 children by the age of 44. At 45, she was San Jose California’s Mother of the Year, a testimony to her well known love of volunteer and community work.
In 1968, she became a widow, but it didn’t stop her even as she raised her last couple of teenage boys alone.
At age 61, she discovered a new love: Painting. She painted nearly till the end of her life. In the end there were many left from her collection, and there was no squabbling among her kids, just an orderly lottery to ensure they were spread out throughout the family. I was gifted with one of her works of art this weekend, and I will cherish it.
As I stood there listening to my uncle playing Amazing Grace, I thought about all of those paintings, and it occurred to me in a kind of epiphany that painting was the real testament to her life.
You see, Grandmother painted more than canvas, she painted lives. She painted with love.
One of our reoccurring family moments is “The Picture”, a group portrait taken decades ago. In the original, grandmother and grandfather along with my aunts sit in front, while the 11 boys are lined up behind them. Throughout the years the picture has been dutifully recreated at every possible gathering, and it shows the progression of our family through the years.
But while the picture is just a snapshot, the reality is that it represents the real painting that was her crowning glory, “The Portrait” of a family. Deeply rooted in love, laughter and caring, they have endured a life I can only imagine in the comfort of my air conditioned apartment. I had two siblings, and I was sure my life was overcrowded and insane.
Imagine the fun of being part of 13 kids, and even if they had a 21 year span of ages, the fact remains that there was crowding, fighting and all the insane moments all kids and parents face, but multiplied.
Imagine being one of my two aunts and having to contend with 7 older and 4 younger brothers. Don’t pity them, they continually impress me as two of the strongest women I know…can’t imagine why.
At the gathering this weekend, there was sadness, but also joy. Yes, the central facet of our life had passed on. For 40 years, grandmother had single handedly presided over this clan. She was the cornerstone and foundation of the family I have known most of my life. But she leaves behind a living breathing legacy of love.
At every gathering, her gentle touch, her smiles and her distinctive laughter has permeated my awareness. She always had time for the ever increasing horde of children that surrounded her. She never stopped traveling to see her brood as they slowly moved farther and farther away. And when travel was no longer possible, they came to her.
In many of the most joyful as well as traumatic events in my life, she was there, providing an extra helping of joy and love.
As the bagpipes faded away, there was a calm silence.
The artist has passed on. But her creation, “The Portrait” lives on.
As is tradition, once again, we gathered the siblings together and “The Picture” was again recreated, near the place where my grandparents now rested side by side.
There was a sad empty spot left open for my departed uncle Allen, and of course grandmother was no longer the central figure in front.
Standing out of sight we grandchildren enjoyed the spectacle and antics of the overgrown children that are our parents. As grandmother looked on, surely in approving laughter, they joked and kidded, until finally the picture was taken.
As “The Picture” was once again created, so also “The Portrait” continues in us all, a living work of art that she created and instilled in each of us, ready for us to pass on to our children.
As I go back to work and resume my daily life I can only pray that someday, when I pass on, that I will leave behind a legacy of love, laughter and joy that is even a fraction as deep as hers.
Thank you for allowing me to share this, and may you all find the same love in your own “Family Portrait”.
12 Responses to “My Grandmother’s Portrait”
Karl,
What a marvelous tribute - thank you so much for sharing that with all of us.
Karl - That was a lovely, loving tribute to Grandma and to the family. It brought tears to my eyes. I’m so proud of you, and very happy that you were there. Love, Aunt Nicki
Karl, Someone might think that there is a talented writer hidden inside you! You and I are not painters with canvas and paint but with words on paper. That was a lovely tribute.
The service and family gathering served to remind me and to show me how much of grandma lives inside me as various things were said. I was in awe and felt wow, that’s me too and it made me feel honored to know some of her greatest traits live on in not just me but her entire family. This was the first time I’d ever felt this way, this knowing where bits of me came from.
Love
Susan (your sister)
Kuzzin’ Karl,
Very well written.
I’ve seen the empty space left for Uncle Allen in portraits and in real life but it didn’t really hit hard until I read your words.
For me, being also chosen as a pallbearer was one of the greatest honors I’ve had in this short life. Although a heavy responsibility I was amazed at how light our physical burden was.
Always a beautiful song, on the pipes the song’s power is multiplied tenfold. That was the most touching rendition of ‘Amazing Grace’ on the pipes I’ve heard yet.
- Cuzzin’ Pat
Thanks Karl, that was lovely. I loved the piping at the end of the graveside service, it was the one moment that really stood out for me. That and of course the taking of the Portrait, again.
It was so good to see most all of the cousins in one place, I think we need to start organizing gatherings so we can get to know one another again. Perhaps a rotating location so that folks out East don’t have to travel so far all the time?
That was beautiful Karl! It paints a wonderful picture of a life that was very fulfilled. I came along late and am envious of everyone’s lifetime of memories but am glad to have known our grandmother, even if only for a short time. I am also thankful to be surrounded by such a warm and accepting family!
Yes, we should all get together more often and celebrate the legacy of our grandmother….our family!
Thank you all for the comments, and mostly for being such great friends and family.
Miss you all
karl
Karl-that was an amazing thing to say, something all of us have felt. You truly have the heart of a poet. You ARE painting a portrait close to equal to Grandma-a loving family given that love by your heart of gold. In fact, my fiancee Rex. was very impressed with the family when we all met in May. He only met Grandma once but felt honored to meet such a remarkable woman. I only hope I can do as well as she did. Thank you for voicing what we all have felt.
Love you,
Linda K. Swenson & Rex A. Martin
Karl,
That was a lovely tribute and it would make Grandma proud. It’s amazing to see how the 13 kids were so proud to step up and take care of their mom. This is a strong family and hopefully even with the loss of grandma we can remain tied together.
Cousin Alexis
Karl,
All I can say is “Wow”. Who knew that my pesky little cousin would grow to be such a deep, insightful and strong man. “Wow”. I too was affected anew by the space my Dad once occupied in the beloved family portrait. Though I know he is now getting some precious one on one time with his Mom (which was probably extremely rare growing up!), I still can’t believe how large and empty that space is. How wonderful it was to spend time with people who know, love and reflect him.
I am all for annual, rotating events near all of the different family locations. If we try to keep it at the same relative time each year it will make it easier to plan time off.
I am really missing the years that I have wasted not making every effort to get to where the family gathered. I hope to turn over a new leaf if given the opportunity.
K
Karl,
Thank you so much for putting into words what I feel also. It’s a beautiful tribute to Grandma. She really was a wonderful example of a mother, grandmother and all around great woman. I definitely agree with everything you wrote. We were all very blessed to have such a wonderful person in our lives. I know I am a much better person because of her influence. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Dena
Karl-thanks for the tribute- very, very well put. Mother would have enjoyed it, although it proabably would have embarassed her, as she never felt she went above and beyond her call to duty.
Dad