Apr 27 2009
Sunday Musings: Getting by with a little help of my friends
As you may recall, I separated from my wife about a month ago. Not a long time to readjust one’s life, but at the same time, I am reminded again that one of mankind’s greatest strengths is the ability to adapt.
I am adapting. My house is mostly cleaned up from the post move wreckage. I am sleeping pretty well, and my daughter and I seem poised to be OK, minus a tight month or two money wise. My now separated wife is likewise adjusting well, and seems to be settled in.
I cannot speak for her of course, but my success owes largely to the support of my friends.
At work the entire team has been emotionally supportive all the way, and Dave, Jo and Cynthia still check on me occasionally to make sure all is well. I cannot express my gratitude to them for their concern.
My company has also been very supportive, the employee care team especially, helping out with kind words and a timely donation of some surplus items to help fill the gaps.
KT-H has been my rock, offering unconditional love and support. Candice and Tris have also been wonderful. We saw them briefly on Friday. Tris is on leave from Iraq and they came by for a brief visit.
Dave and Tam and their daughters have also been great, as have Jim and Peggy. My many other friends from California (you know who you are) have all been super. “Chuck” particularly has been a constant source of encouragement and sympathy.
While many of them are aware of the growing tension with my wife and I over the last few years, my friends are doing a good job of trying not to get trapped into taking sides and offering the most dangerous of all salves: Sympathetic criticism.
I hope her friends are likewise taking the the high road and recognizing that they do not know the whole story and should avoid taking sides.
It’s hard of course, but it is really necessary.
And life or fate or God or what have you has seen fit to restore me to some old friends this week. Luke and Gail in North Dakota wrote me out of the blue, and because of them I got in touch with Eric.
And a dear friend (S) also wrote me out of nowhere. We had coffee on Saturday, and it was a wonderful chance to catch up after 28 years or so.
They say that nature abhors a vacuum and they are right. Whether it is God or Fate or Karma or what have you, it always seem like when you have that gap in your life, the gap gets filled.
God (my personal choice) blessed me with friends who are as much family as not and he has chosen to allow some old ones back into my life when I need them the most.
And I am grateful indeed.
The last month has been a harsh reminder in a lot of ways, which I may someday make a Musing about.
But in short, it has forced me to grow up a little more and reexamine my priorities a lot more.
But it has also made me realize how truly blessed I am to have so many wonderful friends.
I pray I never forget.
LSU
Trackposted to Nuke’s, Blog @ MoreWhat.com, The Pink Flamingo, Rosemary’s Thoughts, Woman Honor Thyself, and Right Truth, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.
4 Responses to “Sunday Musings: Getting by with a little help of my friends”
It’s nice to see that you seem in good spirits my friend. Keep that chin up.
It’s more difficult when children are involved. Funny how things get started, though.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And that’s how the fight started.
I went down this road shortly after a nine month deployment(Sep 1980-May 1981) About a month and a half after I got home, I got the invite to pack up and get out. Lucky for me, my folks had moved to Whidbey in that short period of time. And the support of squadron mates helped a great deal. The Oak Harbor Princess helped get things kick started. We tried the counseling thing but the new boyfriend trumped all. He wound up not being allowed to re-enlist because of weight control problems. No retirement package for him.
The daughter of this marriage is her mother’s little girl and only time will fix that. But after while, you pick up and move on. Been married to the current Missus almost 26 years.
It sucks for awhile but it isn’t the end of the world.
I found this blog by accident while doing a search. I can really sympathize with you guys, been there done that. My ex wife was a roller coaster ride of 4 years and we had 2 kids together. It was beautiful at first then she got roaming eyes for other men. She began starting arguments over nothing, made fun of me and told me I looked old. Once we broke up she even told me this big cowboy dude had a bigger you know what than I had! Bad woman really have a knack for being very cruel. It hurt like hell but I lived through it all. I believe a woman can be a blessing or a curse depending on who you hook up with. Womens lib and todays liberalism have poisoned many marriages.
I have a good woman now, not perfect but she has been a blessing to me and 5 kids later and many years we are still making it work even though we have difficulties in life we are together.
So guys don’t give up there are a few good women out there but check them and their families out real good first.
We live in a really screwed up world today.